True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
