so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
