i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he fucked my hip out of place.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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