Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he was CRYING into my vagina
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
