i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
