sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
