the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
