I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
