I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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