i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I want a musical about memes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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