I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
