Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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