So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
