girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
