You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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