fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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