My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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