I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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