Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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