He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
