The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
