when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am midnight drunk by noon
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
