She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
not ubering you a puppy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
