Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
