plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
