i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
