i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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