I just cut my nipple shaving
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
