I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
