I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
