he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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