I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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