I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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