Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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