SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
