someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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