I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
