My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
sex in a hospital.. check
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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