but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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