Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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