Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
