i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
