So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
