I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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