Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My feet surprised me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
