I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
