yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
