I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want to fling myself into the sun
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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