goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
