I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
